5 Things No One Tells You About Being a First Time Mom

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Becoming a mom changes your entire life. There are several things no one tells you about being a first time mom that would be good to know ahead of time. During your first few months of motherhood, you will want to keep these ideas in mind, as you face daily challenges.

1. You Will Need to Choose Joy Daily

I don’t think anyone can prepare you for just how hard those first few weeks and months of motherhood will be. Even if you have a quote unquote “easy baby”, the newness of becoming a parent is extremely challenging.

There will be days when you may question if being a mom is really for you. You may feel stuck, lonely, and at your wits end. But it is in those moments when you need to realize you are in temporary season and you can still claim joy in spite of the hopelessness.

During the first month after Gia was born, I dreaded waking up most mornings, fearful I would not have the strength to be her mom. One day, I was changing a diaper, my eyes glazed and groggy from the three hours of sleep the night before. I placed her on the table, my arms barely strong enough to carry her there. I broke down crying, wondering how. How was I supposed to do this every day from now on? I felt too weak to take care of her, much less myself. People told me it will all get better one day, but I did not believe them. I could not picture a day where I would not feel trapped day after day.

But guess what? Things did change. Things got better. My baby sleeps now. She takes long naps, and I take long showers. I go to bed knowing I will be rested the next day. I am confident that I can take care of her to the best of my ability.

What I wish I knew was that I would have to choose joy every. single. day. for nearly five months. That yes, having a newborn would be a struggle, but it wouldn’t be forever. I wish I knew that feeling down is normal, and that it was ok to ask for help daily, or hourly, if needed.

70-80% of mothers experience some form of baby blues or mild depression during postpartum period. 10-20% will experience clinical postpartum depression (americanpregnancy.org) If you are having thoughts of harm towards yourself or you baby, please know this is normal, and reach out for help. Contact your doctor or a mental health professional and get the help you need.

2. You Will Become Someone New... and That Someone is Amazing

My husband and I both couldn’t sleep one night, so I pulled out a list from Pinterest of questions to ask your significant other. One of them was “Have you seen me change since you have known me and how?” He said I was a different person now that I was a mom. He couldn’t put his finger on it exactly, but said my whole persona had changed. I had new confidence and certainty.

I thought about it, and it was true. I have changed. I have become more confident in my decisions. I have stopped worrying so much about what people thought about me. I have become more assertive and less afraid.

I think I realized that it wasn’t just about me anymore. Every decision and thought is made knowing it will impact a little human. It changed what I valued, how I thought, and what my goals were. It also changed how I perceived myself.

I was afraid of changing at first, but I am so thankful for the confident and sturdy person motherhood has made me into.

3. You May Not Like Your Baby Right Away... And That's OK

It may take some time to fall in love with your baby. Often, you hear about women’s birth stories and how they were overtaken with an indescribable, overwhelming sense of love when their newborn was first placed on their chest. That certainly happens, but is not the case for every woman.

For some, loving their baby is a process. When they first hold their baby, they may love it in the sense that they will do whatever it takes to keep that baby alive. But they may not feel any sparks. They may not feel a strong connection from the first day. It’s ok. It will happen when it happens.

I was in awe when I birthed my baby. She appeared, crying, with a full head of beautiful hair, and all mine. I felt a sense of responsibility on the first day, but it was not until she was a few months old that I felt a true connection with her. I loved her, but It wasn’t until much later that I felt that special bond.

You can love your baby and still feel disconnected. You can love your baby and still not feel an emotional attachment. You can love and care for your baby fiercely, and it can be difficult. Your love for your baby may feel strange at first, but your bond will strengthen overtime. Be patient, and keep doing what you are doing to care for your baby.

4.Your Perspective of Your Body Will be Completely Different

Before I became a mom I was so worried about my appearance and how others saw me. I spent oodles of money on fast fashion and new makeup products. A good hour of my day went into choosing my outfit, and doing my hair and makeup.

My love for fashion and beauty hasn’t changed, but my motivation has. Before motherhood, my energy was going into looking nice for other’s approval. Now, when I put on makeup and choose an outfit, it is out of a want to match my outward appearance with my inward assurance.

I have had to change my perspective on why I value my appearance. My body is nowhere near what it was a year ago. It has purple stretch marks, sagging skin, and extra lumps. I have had to realize a value in myself in spite of no longer possessing societal standards of beauty. Motherhood helped me find a new meaning of beautiful, and accept my new body and the amazing life that it brought into the world.

5. You Will Miss Your Old Life Sometimes. But This New Life is Better

The first few months after having my baby I missed my friends SO BAD. I missed making last minute plans. I missed late nights with my girls, long days sitting in coffee shops, and spontaneous road trips.

If I’m being honest, there was some fear involved when I realized my life would change completely after the baby. Fear of growing apart from my husband. Fear of losing my friends. Fear of missing out on life experiences.

Fortunately, those fears never had soil to grow in. My husband and I grew even closer together. My friends make time for me, and I make time to see them.

Yes, the dynamic is completely different. I can’t drop everything and to spend time with a friend. I can’t make plans on a moment’s notice. I can’t be as spontaneous, or as socially active as I used to be. There are a few can’ts in motherhood, but the cans outweigh them all.

Since becoming a mom, I have found ways to connect with my friends, and form deeper relationships. I have learned how to prioritize friendships simply because my time to invest is limited. I have learned how to love more dearly, and hold on more tightly to the people in my life.

Mom life is not worse. It’s just different. It’s fuller, brighter.

I have learned there are many things no tells you about being a first time mom, but even if they do tell you, you just won’t get it. Until you wake up in the night to nurse the baby for the fourth time, you won’t get it. Until you feel that tingle of delight when your baby smiles for the first time, you won’t get it. People will try to warn you, and try to inform you on all the ups and downs of motherhood. And when you finally become a mom, you’ll realize they were right all along.

All Photos by Julia Kia Photography

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